(First written January 10th 2015)

People aren't born crazy. At least, I like to believe they are not.

There are some moments you never forget. For this one, I was on the subway (where many New York 'moments' occur, I'm sure). I can no longer tell you where I was going or what brought me to take the subway this week. Perhaps work? Friends? It really doesn't matter. It was rush hour and we (the mass of humans with an agenda) all pushed our way into the car.

As I made space for myself and my belongings, typical New York noises carried on in the background:

"...and then she was like -- and I was like --... I mean who does that?..."

"REALLY?!?! REALLY!??! - get the hell out of my way! Oh, now you're going to trip me?! Huh!?! NICE ONE!..."

...music plays from someones small headphones for the entire care to hear...

...The smell of marijuana takes over the entire subway car when a single individual steps on...

And as I kept shuffling, I moved towards the back of the car where there appeared to be space. I get settled, with room to spare, for only one hot second when - all of a sudden - my entire body is thrown forward into the laps of those sitting down in front of me. Shock. Wait what? Had I really just been SHOVED AND KICKED in the back??

Yup. I had.

"GET YOUR ASS OUT OF MY WAY! DON'T F**KING COME NEAR ME!" and elderly, disheveled, dirty, woman sitting down and surrounded by trash bags screams at me.

I go from initially fuming to slightly freaked out, but, with my brain automatically assessing this woman as crazy, I try my best at using the politeness my parents taught me (and in hopes of placating her?), say "Sorry" while quickly shuffling a little further away - or as far away as I can possibly get in the subway at rush hour.

To no avail.

She continued to scream - scream - expletives at me and curse the very core of my being for a solid minute as the train sped towards its next stop.

I'm not gonna lie, I was hurt. Both emotionally and physically. But then, something else came over me - the more powerful emotion of deep sadness and sorrow - on her behalf. She wasn't born this way. The intention of her life was never to become the crazy lady on the subway who assaults people. I began to wonder how God saw her - how would he treat her? What would he do? What could I do? What could I do that wouldn't involve me getting kicked again?

People aren't born crazy. I think that is why I find it so sad - no, frustrating (in an angry at society, type of frustrating way) when I see people so deeply broken in New York. But then again, I'm part of this broken society. I'm part of what propels people into this state.

This has been weighing on me since it happened. I may not be able to help that woman. I may never even come across her again. But what can I do in my everyday interactions with people - those I know and those I don't - to show care and concern and love and kindness... so that they, we, anyone doesn't end up in they type of broken state that none of us were created for?

I have a few 'goals' this new year. But the one I keep circling back to is relational. It is to be people focused. To build key relationships in my life. Sharing life with others. Showing kindness to others and making this year one about putting others first. I'll fail many times. I'm sure I will because the truth is that I am a selfish being constantly at odds with herself trying to be better. But my idealist hope and prayer is that the Kingdom Comes and that no one be so bereft of friendship or kindness that they lose hope and turn inwards on themselves, ending up in a lonely and broken state. I don't want to be part of the 'breaking' of people anymore. I want to be part of the healing.